I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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