You made me cry and you don't even care
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
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I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
it's like iHOP with fire
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
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So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
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