I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize