My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
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