Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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