I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
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It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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