oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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