I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
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He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
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Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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