ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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