omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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