Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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