Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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