Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
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I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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