hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize