Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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