my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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