If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
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We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
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Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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