I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I would ride that face into the sunset
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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