oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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