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every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
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