It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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