You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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