He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
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And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
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Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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