So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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