Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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