so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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