my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
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Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
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It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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