News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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