You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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