I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
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