A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
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Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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