im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize