Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize