i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
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Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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