you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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