dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
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He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
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You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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