A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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