i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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