You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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