you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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