winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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