Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So vagazzling was a success
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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