Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize