Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
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dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
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She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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