You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize