??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
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I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
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Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
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