In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize