My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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