The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
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Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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