He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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